Watermelon is not art

It is delicious.

Banquet managers of the world, please treat it as such.

The last two weddings we've attended have used watermelons as a fruit platter centerpiece and, criminally, not included wedges for eating.

When marrying in Jersey...

...vendors are going to milk you dry, dairy cow-style. Still, I highly recommend these companies not only for their below-average prices but for their above-average talent and pleasing demeanors:

Milan Photography - if you like the photojournalism approach, he's your man. Milan (his lack of last name adds to his aura) and his assistant took over 2,000 pictures, and he personally designs each album. No cookie cutter templates, and you get to use more than 100 pictures in the final book. He's the best-kept secret of the Jersey wedding business.

Villanovisions Video - Having seen plenty of slow-paced, dimly-lit wedding videos over time, I was anti-video. That is until I saw what Villano did at four of our friends' weddings. He gets the right shots and makes the right edits so that the final video entertains as it breezes by.

Inkspun - for calligraphy on envelopes or place cards, I dare you to find a better deal.

These vendors need no recommendation--all are firmly established as Jersey wedding money-making machines--but if you're going to splurge on something, then consider:

• The Estate at Florentine Gardens - their website does not do the place justice.
  
• White Light - the wedding band that will rock the house from all kinds of angles

But the details are where the magic happens. We probably got more compliments on having beverage plate clips during our cocktail hour than for anything else.

So yes, you're going get milked, but by working with these people, you won't mind all that lactation.

To love, honor, and cherish

I'm getting married on Monday. And bring your umbrella and poncho, because the forecast calls for love.

Found at an urban airport

An autographed glossy of Walter "Killer" Kowalski, posted here in the hope that its original owner can find some closure.

One year of blog

It's been exactly one year since my first post here. This calls for a celebration. For the next hour, drinks are on me, and appetizers are half-price.

Everybody has a story

Hundreds of people come in and out of your life each day. There are the constants that you're tight with, and those who pass by casually, never making an impression. And then there are the ones you see all the time but never really connect with. They are as mysterious as they are familiar; you don't know their story, but you wonder sometimes what goes on in their world.

For instance, if you're the guy who delivers the mail at my office, you perform a Beatles lip sync revue at nights under the stage name of Harry Casper.

What else goes on when I'm not around?

Comedy circa 1994

I made this using Paintbrush on Windows 3.1 sometime in the mid-90's:


The laughs have yet to cease.

Kings of their castles

Making your way in the world today, it has been said, takes everything you've got. And working for the man will take whatever's left over. But working for yourself isn't any easier, and so I salute these acquaintances for doing it day in and day out, sometimes on the side but mainly full time:

• Prosper Media Group: Kentucky's multimedia production solution
  
• LionArt Creations: arts and/or crafts
  
• Nuts.com: nuts and snacks by the pound, possibly ton
  
• Greg Tito: a stand up guy doing stand up in the place where you live. Now face north.
  
• Dr. Zlotnick: The optometrist that Central Jersey calls their own. No relation. Yet.

May these links boost your Google site rankings and keep the wheels of commerce headed out on your highways.

Ladies of Song from A to Z

I know a man who once tried to record an album solely of songs about specific women. He got far, but a few letters/ladies eluded him. Below I offer his playlist and ask you, the blogosphere, to fill in the blanks or offer alternate tracks.

Ground rule: the name must be in the title, they needn't be love songs, but wherever possible, the singer should be male.

	NAME	ARTIST	ALTERNATE SONGS
A	Allison	Elvis Costello	Angie
B	Barbara Ann	The Beach Boys	Billie Jean
C	Sweet Caroline	Neil Diamond	Cecila
D	Donna	The Misfits
E	Come on Eileen	Dexy's Midnight Runners	Eleanor Rigby
F	Fran
G	Gloria	The Doors
H
I	Goodnight Irene	Leadbelly
J	Sweet Jane	Lou Reed	Hey Jude
K	Kate	Ben Folds
L	Layla	Derek & the Dominos	Lady Madonna
M	Maybelline	Chuck Berry	Michelle, Maggie May
N			Nikita, Nancy Whiskey
O	Ophelia	The Band
P	Polly	Nirvana
Q	Queen Jane Approximately	Bob Dylan
R	Roxanne	The Police	Help Me Rhonda
S	Sussudio	Phil Collins
T	(Tina's Got A) Big 'Ole Butt	LL Cool J
U
V	Victoria		Veronica
W	Windy	The Association
X
Y	Oh Yoko	John Lennon
Z	Legend of Zelda theme	Nintendo

Cast your ballots in the comments below.



Update: two commenters have more than filled in the gaps.

Banter

I've written short plays for school before, but I could never write dialogue this insightful, telling and true:

MALE: Whatcha gonna do with all that junk; all that junk inside your trunk?

FEMALE: I'm a get get get get you drunk, Get you love drunk off my humps.

To paraphrase James Lipton, if you have not bought the Black Eyed Peas' CD, buy it, turn off the lights, listen to it, it will change your life!