Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Sunday, December 11, 2005
|kelly ripa eggnog||2|
|nobody listens to andrew + book||1|
|geico commercials caveman||1|
|frog procter& gamble||1|
|picture from geico caveman||1|
|nobody listens to us||1|
|now alums from the 80's with george michael + careless whispers||1|
|my chemical romance action figures price in us dollars||1|
|nobody listens to andrew||1|
|us weekly kelly ripa eggnog||1|
|pharrell rolling stone interview||1|
|this is not awesome geico||1|
Monday, November 21, 2005
- Cheapskate Christmas: The day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, is a mecca of crazy deals. Two years ago, I scored a $35 karaoke machine, $15 DVD player, and $5 Simpsons Season 1 DVD at Best Buy. Now many stores offer below-cost prices to tempt early holiday shoppers. BFads.net tells where to go first.
- Pitting one against the other: My credit card, for a $50 annual fee, gives flier miles for each dollar spent. Some competing cards are fee-less, so I called my card company up, said I was thinking of switching, and--hollaback--they refunded the annual fee and agreed to lower my interest rate. Even if you don't pay an annual fee, call and asking for a lower rate. I've read that you'll usually get some break.
- Anatomy of a deal: Aquafresh Extreme Clean Toothpaste on sale for $2.00, down from $3.29. Sunday circular coupon: save $2.25 on two. And the store had a "try it free" rebate that refunds the original purchase price. Net: I made $1.54 off the transaction.
The System: 0
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Whose record have you listened to the most this year?
"I like My Chemical Romance and Green Day, in terms of rock. I'm looking forward to the new Puddle of Mudd and the new Strokes albums. And people need to show more love to Ben Folds. Hell, yeah!"
Sunday, November 06, 2005
My illict connections to the publishing biz netted me an advance copy of Marley and Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog, one man's memoir of life with a big ass labrador retriever. It's a heckuva book, crampacked with humor, sharp storytelling, and, in the end, a poignancy that'll shake you to your very core.
This intense resonance may correlate to the fact that I too once shared a home with a yellow lab named Annie. Behind that sweet All-American girl's name lay 75 lbs. of intensity that could knock an aunt to the ground with the mere ring of a doorbell. Who, when set free from the chains that bind her (namely, a fraying red leash), could outrun the NCAA athlete in the family. Whose appetite could be not sated by mere dog food, forcing her to snack on the TV remote control and our Brutus Beefcake action figure.
And yet the enthusiasm that awaited me every trip home, with a tail wagging hard enough to clear a coffee table and a tongue falling out of her mouth, always made her indiscretions seem trivial. You can't buy love like that, at least since Guiliani cleaned up Times Square, and you genuinely wanted to protect her during the thunderstorms that sent her under the coffee table cowering in irrational fear.
Would life be better if we were more like dogs? At the end of Marley and Me, the author reflects on lessons learned from his labrador:
Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things - a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity.
Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty.
Not such a bad dog after all.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
The iPod Shuffle just got a whole lot lamer. It even comes preloaded with hipster indie music - why doesn't Apple do that?
Could this be the thing to revive my dormant and unwieldly PEZ collection? If it dispenses music as well as it dispenses candy, quite possibly.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Shop around: what your momma told you was right-on. The aforementioned CVS often has better deals than the local grocery store, plus they take coupons (though no doubling) and give store coupons to ExtraCare card users. And good ones, too, like $3 off your next purchase. Others go store hopping, buying the big sale items at each area store. Chances are you don't have this much free time. In my fantasies about life after marriage, being able to do this is front and center.
A good offense: Sunday coupons are often correlated to store sales that week. Take 10 minutes to look at the store circular, then look at your coupon stash, and plan your Bill Laimbeer-esque attack.
Collect: Get one of them cheapo coupon organizers that Wal-Mart or CVS sell for $3-$5, then file new coupons there each week. You'll have a much easier time finding that 55 cents off Wishbone dressing coupon when you need it.
BOGO: Many coupons require purchase of 2 (or more!). Save these for buy 1, get 1 sales. Technically, you're still buying 2 items. Don't let the cashier try and tell you otherwise.
Clever: 3 for $3 does not usually mean you have to buy 3. Read the fine print. If you only need 1, don't get seduced into buying more.
Swap: Why throw away unused coupons each week when you can swap with a neighbor? One man's trash is another man's 35 cents off Hot Pockets. Seriously, a friend's father does this and swears by it. Some public libraries even have coupon swap bins (not to mention vast CD and audiobook collections that are ripe for ripping onto your home PC, but that's another post).
Rebates - delicious but devious: Tivo made $5 million+ last fiscal quarter because people bought the box and did not mail in the $100 rebate form. Hint: take 5 minutes, follow the instructions to a T, and be vigilant. This same company "lost" my rebate application. One phone call later, a $100 check was en route.
Study the masters: I find this woman's work inspiring.
What I don't do:
- Buy brand names at warehouse clubs--unless it's on sale - buying in bulk usually costs more than buying the same items on sale at grocery stores, plus you look like a jackass lugging 56 rolls of toilet paper around the parking lot. That said, Costco only marks up their prices by 15%, so if they have something on sale, go nuts.
- Get on my knees - some recommend calling companies' toll-free #s and asking to have coupons mailed to you. In this case, I am too proud to beg.
- Shop at all-generic stores like Aldi - My standards are high, and generic Cheerios lack that je ne sais quoi.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
The symbol of the school we loveYet there are traces of brainwashing throughout, with lines like:
Is a little scallop shell
And everyday you'll hear him say
"In school you must do well!"
Now let us sing 'til echoes ringDid they really need us to pledge loyalty? After all, where you went to school was dictated by your neighborhood. A mass defection to Lillie B. Haynes was not possible, even though their playground ran circles around our tetherball-less tetherball pole.
And pledge our loyalty
So why the Stalin-esque loyalty oath? And why is the little scallop shell talking to me?
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
- rats humping in a wool sock: 2
- free kittens: 638
- Comparisons of the ex-FEMA chief to The Office's Gareth: 33
- The phrase "You are SO not invited to my bat mitzvah!": 7
- Bush AND hero: 17,761
- Bush AND evil: 50,298
- Tasty AND Kakes: 89
Friday, September 09, 2005
And now he's going back to Washington to oversee future disasters. Because if anyone deserved a lateral move, it's this guy."Brown's biography on the Federal Emergency Management Agency Web site says he had once served as an "assistant city manager with emergency services oversight"....
However, a city spokeswoman told the magazine Brown had actually worked as "an assistant to the city manager.""
"The assistant is more like an intern," Claudia Deakins told the magazine. "Department heads did not report to him."
Sunday, September 04, 2005
It's good to be able to sing along, but the rocked-out "Clocks" was much more rocking than the other tunes, which were replicas of the album versions--to the point where Chris Martin started over on two songs after messing up. At least it was live, but it's ok to miss a note or fiddle with the phrasing. Else it's just a CD listening party with a fancy light show.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Friday, August 12, 2005
Are frogs renown for their pristine rectums? Did the focus groups really respond to a self-wiping frog rather than, say, a camel? And "Kandoo" - do kids need to be empowered for this?
I am a recent convert to wet wipes myself and have come to insist on them wherever possible. Yet I find them in few households. Do they have a stigma because they're used foremost on babies and old folks?
Instead of making wipes more appealing to kids, maybe Procter & Gamble should work on a witty, urbane wiping mascot that speaks to our generation. They could call them "Buttlers" to bring in the frat boy demographic or "Asstastics" to appeal to urbanites.
Friday, August 05, 2005
|The original Girl Gone Wild|
What I've been watching/reading/hearing this week:
- Flickr.com has a new Most Interesting feature, updated daily, based on what gets the most hits, comments, links, etc. Some really incredible photography, like this, this, and this, that makes me wish I knew what to do with my
- Guess-the-Google (via Bob Jingle) - A montage from Google Image Search appears and you guess the search term. Harder than you might think.
- Ben Folds rocked Brooklyn to its hipster core last night. The fact that guys like him can sell out concerts without radio or MTV airplay redeems my faith in humanity. And as a marketing guy by day, it shows the power of the Internet to let artists bypass the mass media filters and connect directly with their fans. Without being on his email list, I would never know that he had new albums or was performing in the area.
- My friend Ian spent at least part of Wednesday eating two donuts. At said concert Thursday night, he gets two girls' phone numbers. We could all learn a lot from Ian.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
O********* <-- These are the latest trends.
Note that I am on top of the latest trends.
Example: I just discovered Jack-FM and am smitten like a school boy. If I had a pencil box, I would throw it at my radio and call it ugly, the same way I treated the objects of my elementary school desires. There's no rigid format; just song after song that reawakens the spirit so pilloried by Top 40 or "The Best Hits of the 80's, 90's, and Today!"
They even post their playlist online. Just look at this lineup from earlier tonight:
|11:03 PM||VAN HALEN||Right Now|
|10:57 PM||LENNY KRAVITZ||Again|
|10:47 PM||VERTICAL HORIZON||Everything You Want|
|10:43 PM||TERENCE TRENT D'ARBY||Wishing Well|
|10:37 PM||OINGO BOINGO||Weird Science|
|10:33 PM||BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN||Prove It All Night|
|10:29 PM||MADONNA||Ray Of Light|
|10:24 PM||U2||Sunday Bloody Sunday|
|10:15 PM||ABC||Poison Arrow|
|10:12 PM||BEATLES||Magical Mystery Tour|
|10:07 PM||HADDAWAY||What Is Love|
|10:03 PM||MOTLEY CRUE||Smokin' In The Boys Room|
|10:00 PM||EURYTHMICS||Sweet Dreams(Are Made Of This)|
|9:55 PM||WALLFLOWERS||One Headlight|
|9:46 PM||NINE DAYS||Absolutely (Story Of A Girl)|
|9:41 PM||BOB SEGER||Night Moves|
|9:38 PM||KOOL & THE GANG||Get Down On It|
|9:34 PM||FIXX||One Thing Leads To Another|
|9:30 PM||MICHELLE BRANCH||All You Wanted|
|9:27 PM||B.T. EXPRESS||Do It Til You're Satisfied|
|9:24 PM||J. GEILS BAND||Centerfold|
|9:13 PM||HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS||I Want A New Drug|
|9:09 PM||JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE||Rock Your Body|
|9:05 PM||BLUE OYSTER CULT||Don't Fear The Reaper|
|9:00 PM||POLICE||De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da|
|8:56 PM||KC & SUNSHINE BAND||Keep It Comin' Love|
|8:52 PM||QUARTERFLASH||Harden My Heart|
|8:42 PM||DREAM ACADEMY||Life In A Northern Town|
|8:38 PM||NAUGHTY BY NATURE||O.P.P.|
|8:35 PM||CLASH||Should I Stay Or Should I Go|
|8:31 PM||CHARLIE DANIELS BAND||The Devil Went Down To Georgia|
|8:27 PM||NO DOUBT||Hella Good|
|8:11 PM||HOWARD JONES||No One Is To Blame|
|8:08 PM||3 DOORS DOWN||Kryptonite|
|8:05 PM||EARTH, WIND & FIRE||Shining Star|
|8:04 PM||ROD STEWART||Da Ya Think I'm Sexy|
|8:00 PM||BON JOVI||Bad Medicine|
Not every song both rocks and rolls, but triple word score for trying something different.
2008 Update: JACK has been banished to the HD Radio dial. For shame!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Monday, July 25, 2005
I saw this on a recent trip to Florida, and after some digging, found a whole state-sponsored website devoted to this. Is this really a problem? Reminds me of that scene in The Jerk when Steve Martin is asked to help stop the spread of cat juggling in Mexico. Come to think of it, maybe this is another Southern thing that I'll just never get, right up there with NASCAR, grits, and anti-intellectualism.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
And that Kansas serial killer, too...
Credit: all me
And to think that they were both under our noses all this time, riding Kingda Ka and asking for our favorite curse words. Be alert people.
Paula Abdul has, in essence, got off scot free for sleeping with that American Idol kid. Beyond a few carefully-worded denials and attempts to make light of the situation, she (or her handlers) figured out that it would all blow over. And sure enough, it did, by relentlessly sticking to talking points ("He's only doing this to promote his album!") and dishing up red herrings ("He picked out his own clothes!")
Replace "Paula Abdul" with "President Bush" and "sleeping with that American Idol kid" with "recklessly invading Iraq," and it's no wonder where her rebuttal strategy came from. From talking point discipline to red herring buffets, Dubya preceded Paula move for move, with a verbal prowess that would shame MC Skat Kat.
And yet despite so many unanswered questions, the world has moved on, even for the main players in this analogy. Just look at today's headlines:
- Former 'Idol' Contestant Clark Busted In Alleged Food Fight
- Abdul urges tough nail salon standards
- Bush cites 9/11 in plea for Iraq support (he's making a new argument, right??)
Monday, June 20, 2005
- Reading The Wishbones - All about getting married and growing older and not being certain about you really want. It's also set in Jersey, and the lead's main job is playing in a wedding band. What's not to like? Perotta also wrote Election, but this is his Stairway to Heaven.
- Listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger's Total Body Workout. A 1983 gem that overlayed 80's pop hits with his accented motivational spiel. The people of California are well served.
- Dancing. Yeah!
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Listening to this mix takes me all the way from my awkward phase in 6th grade to, umm, my awkward phase in college, with pauses in between at beach dances, YMCA swim meets, high school plays, dirty frat parties, long drives, and a lot of hours under the tutelage of MTV. These are my misty watercolored memories of the way we were. Can't touch this.
|U Can't Touch This||MC Hammer||1990|
|Ice Ice Baby||Vanilla Ice||1990|
|Gonna Make You Sweat|
(Everybody Dance Now)
|C+C Music Factory||1990|
|The Humpty Dance||Digital Underground||1990|
|More Than Words||Extreme||1990|
|Freedom 90||George Michael||1990|
|Mama Said Knock You Out||LL Cool J||1990|
|Let's Talk About Sex||Salt-N-Pepa||1990|
|Istanbul (Not Constantinople)||They Might Be Giants||1990|
|I Wanna Sex You Up||Color Me Badd||1991|
|Don't Cry||Guns N' Roses||1991|
|Now That We Found Love||Heavy D & the Boyz||1991|
|Good Vibrations||Marky Mark||1991|
|To Be With You||Mr. Big||1991|
|O.P.P.||Naughty By Nature||1991|
|Smells Like Teen Spirit||Nirvana||1991|
|Losing My Religion||R.E.M.||1991|
|Tom's Diner||Suzanne Vega||1991|
|Right Now||Van Halen||1991|
|What's Up?||4 Non Blondes||1992|
|Mr. Wendal||Arrested Development||1992|
|No Rain||Blind Melon||1992|
|Nuthin' but a "G" Thang||Dr. Dre||1992|
|Hey Jealousy||Gin Blossoms||1992|
|Jump Around||House of Pain||1992|
|I Got a Man||Positive K||1992|
|Life Is a Highway||Tom Cochrane||1992|
|End of the Road||Boyz II Men||1993|
|Insane in the Brain||Cypress Hill||1993|
|Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)||Digable Planets||1993|
|Ordinary World||Duran Duran||1993|
|What Is Love?||Haddaway||1993|
|Into Your Arms||The Lemonheads||1993|
|Show Me Love||Robin S.||1993|
|Today||The Smashing Pumpkins||1993|
|Gin and Juice||Snoop Dogg||1993|
|Whoomp! (There It Is)||Tag Team||1993|
|Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)||Us3||1993|
|Sure Shot||Beastie Boys||1994|
|A Girl Like You||Edwyn Collins||1994|
|Lucas With the Lid Off||Lucas||1994|
|Come Out and Play||The Offspring||1994|
|I'll Stand by You||The Pretenders||1994|
|You Oughta Know||Alanis Morissette||1995|
|Breakfast At Tiffany's||Deep Blue Something||1995|
|You Were Meant for Me||Jewel||1995|
|One of Us||Joan Osborne||1995|
|Stay (I Missed You)||Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories||1995|
|Doin' It||LL Cool J||1995|
|One Sweet Day||Boyz II Men & Mariah Carey||1995|
|This Is How We Do It||Montell Jordan||1995|
|Lump||The Presidents of the United States of America||1995|
|Cotton Eye Joe||Rednex||1995|
|California Love||Tupac & Dr. Dre||1995|
|Crash Into Me||Dave Matthews Band||1996|
|Da' Dip||Freak Nasty||1996|
|Killing Me Softly With His Song||The Fugees||1996|
|Hell||Squirrel Nut Zippers||1996|
|One Headlight||The Wallflowers||1996|
|Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?||Paula Cole||1996|
|Flagpole Sitta||Harvey Danger||1997|
|Feel So Good||Mase||1997|
|The Impression That I Get||Mighty Mighty Bosstones||1997|
|Mo Money Mo Problems||Puff Daddy||1997|
|Bittersweet Symphony||The Verve||1997|
|Gettin' Jiggy Wit It||Will Smith||1997|
|Gone till November||Wyclef Jean||1997|
|Take Me There||Blackstreet, Mya, Mase, Blinky||1998|
|Fire It Up||Busta Rhymes||1998|
|Crush||Dave Matthews Band||1998|
|Save Tonight||Eagle-Eye Cherry||1998|
|Praise You||Fatboy Slim||1998|
|Ray of Light||Madonna||1998|
|Angel of Mine||Monica||1998|
|You Get What You Give||The New Radicals||1998|
|Can't Get Enough of You Baby||Smash Mouth||1998|
|...Baby One More Time||Britney Spears||1999|
|Better Days (And the Bottom Drops Out)||Citizen King||1999|
|Blue (Da Ba Dee)||Eiffel 65||1999|
|Steal My Sunshine||LEN||1999|
|My Own Worst Enemy||Lit||1999|
|I Try||Macy Gray||1999|
|Scar Tissue||Red Hot Chili Peppers||1999|
|Livin' la Vida Loca||Ricky Martin||1999|
Sunday, June 05, 2005
It used to take 20 years for a decade to be appreciated. The 1970’s weren’t fully appreciated until earlier this decade, when bell bottoms and John Travolta emerged from a rightfully-imposed exile. But the American attention span has gotten shorter, and we are now nostalgic for the history we can remember.
In recent years, the 1980’s have enjoyed a resurgence. On campus, WTSR is stuck in the 80’s every Monday night and The Signal frequently features a 80’s-themed crossword or column. There’s even a website (www.80s.com) devoted to all things from the decade of Pac-Man, Ferris Bueller, and Wang Chung (Does anyone know why, or how, we should Wang Chung tonight?).
Assuming this cycle remains constant, we will find ourselves five years into the new millennium longing for relics from the decade past, and this creates an important question: What will be the cultural legacy of the 1990’s?
Most would like to think that our cultural contribution consist of such respectable fare as Seinfeld and Pulp Fiction, but Billboard charts will tell future generations that we admired the Beverly Hills of 90210 from afar, and jumped-jumped ‘cuz the Daddy Mac made us. For every Braveheart, there has been a Dick Tracy; for every ER, a Herman’s Head. The durability of CDs and VHS ensure us that what is too painful to remember, we cannot choose to forget. So to ease our future shame, let’s relive the forgotten moments and minor celebrities of the decade so far.
The music that has entertained
for the last seven years induces the most cringing. Even though few would admit to MMMBopping with Hanson or zigazigha-ing with the Spice Girls, their recent success cannot be ignored. Similarly, the most popular group in 1990 was the New Kids on the Block. They had the right stuff, at least in the eyes of several million pre-pubescent girls. More inexplicable was the rise of Vanilla Ice, who further shamed the institution of white-boy rap, yet entertained thousands with his Ice, Ice Baby. Millions more pleaded “Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em”, as they snatched up the compact discs and parachute pants of MC Hammer. No weatherman could have predicted the outbreak of Snow, who warned us of the Informer that had the mythical power to licky boom boom down. America
Those turned off by hip hop took solace in Wilson Phillips, but the group couldn’t “Hold On” for one more album. Similarly, Right Said Fred apparently isn’t “Too Sexy” for obscurity. Also missing in action is Billy Ray Cyrus, who is doubly dishonorable for having brought both country music and line dancing into the mainstream with his “Achy, Breaky Heart.”
The alternative to all of this, so-called alternative music, also produced its fair share of one-hit wonders. Discarded Spin Doctors and 4 Non-Blondes CDs clog the clearance bins at Tower Records. These musicians are the forgotten victims of the recession and remind current chart toppers that success fades faster than an hand print on a Hypercolor t-shirt. Mr. “Butterfly Kisses,” invest your royalties wisely.
This glut of forgotten celebrities can perhaps be linked to the divorce between success and talent. This is most evident in the movies and TV programs of the 90’s. Even Clarissa can’t explain why there were once two prime-time shows featuring Bob Saget.
wasn’t just an MTV VJ, but also an Encino Man and a Son-In-Law. Kevin Nealon was rewarded for flubbing jokes on Saturday Night Live with not one, but two sitcoms. Pauly Shore
Those who actually posses a modicum of talent foolishly try to expand and conquer. Witness Shaquille O’Neil as “Shaq-Fu” and “Kazaamm,” or the Bo Jackson Saturday morning cartoon show. A good lesson to take from the 90’s is that you should stick to what you know. In the case of
, all Bo knows now is physical therapy. Jackson
But the 90’s have been cyclical within themselves, where washed-up stars can reinvent themselves in new guises. The artists formerly known as Marky Mark and Fresh Prince have become respectable actors. A new show starring Dan Cortese is deemed “Must-See TV.” And Bayside alum Jessie Spano has lapdanced her way back into our hearts. Perhaps snap bracelets and Skidz shorts will return to the fashion runways. Maybe Macaulay Culkin will team up with Kid N’ Play for a Home Alone House Party.
The comebacks of these and other forgotten celebrities are inevitable. Pop culture is too legit to quit.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
It's official: it's all been done before. But rather than sulk about this, I salute those who make the world even more clever-er:
- The blogger behind the header Trump School: Please Open Your Textbooks to Chapter 11
- The guy who came up with this book title: A Portrait of Yo Mama as a Young Man
- The Onion writers for not only penning this article "Bush Challenges America to Produce the Perfect Romantic Comedy by 2010," but for their accompanying graphic:
To them I say: I see your ideas, and I raise you one: Nuclear Option would be a really good punk band name.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Why blog? Everyone else was doing it. But as any assistant principal will tell you, that's not reason enough, so let me more fully explain "Nobody Listens to Andrew." The title comes from a book given to me at an early age. To quote an Amazon.com review:
"Andrew has something important to say, something he knows is true and valid and urgent. But for the life of him, he can't get any grown-ups to pay attention to him. They are all too busy, too numb and on remote control."Now that I am older, wiser, and better looking, I have less of a listener shortage. But it would be great to have an outlet for the unfinished thoughts and bon mots that cross my mind.
And so here I am. Rock you like a hurricane.